Who’s Licking Your Envelope

Just the other day I read that Australia’s internet speed had dropped from 30th to 60th fastest in the world over the last three years. Now this caused me to pause and speculate, and I concluded that Australian email now takes longer to be delivered: And I reflected back on that bygone time of letter writing; the time designed to slow you down. The time intended for you to catch up with friends and family about your travel adventures, share family anecdotes, puzzle over the weather, or just scribble a little something to let them know that you were thinking of them. Back then a standard letter was delivered in two or three days; today the delivery time for regular mail in Australia is three-six business days.

thinking

image source:johnmcadam

One of my first written letters was to the Revell company in America. In the early fifties Revell started to make plastic scale model kits and these made their way to Australia. I had already assembled a couple of kits when I snagged a cargo ship kit; it was an intricate, realistic, true to life, miniature of the real thing. From our house I could watch the giant cargo ships, low in the water, glide their way into the mouth of the Yarra River and the Port of Melbourne and on foggy winter nights I was put to sleep by the mournful fog horns warning the ships of the close foreshore as they navigated the Yarra estuary. I knew cargo ships and this was perfection in plastic.

It seemed like there were hundreds of parts; every part was the same white gray colour. And so I decided that I would paint some of the parts. The hull of the ship was the largest of the parts. I painted the hull but not very well and I tried to remove my scandalous painting with turpentine; unaware of the effect that turps would have on the plastic I transformed the perfection in plastic into a maculation of worthless plastic. I told mum and dad I was going to write a letter to the Revell company and ask for a new hull.

blue

image source:pixabay

John McAdam
A Street in Newport
Newport 3015
Victoria, Australia

April 11th, 1958
Revell Inc
Elk Grove Village, IL
USA

Dear Mr Revell,
Hello my name is John and I am writing to ask if you would send me another hull for my boat because I messed it up when I tried to take the paint off the first one.
Yours faithfully,
John

I forgot about writing a letter to Revell until mum told me one day after I got home from school that the postie had delivered a small parcel addressed to me from overseas. It was a new unpainted ships hull.

I don’t remember what caused me to get a job that year. I was still in school at Footscray Tech and the school year had finished; December was just around the corner but summer was already in full blast. I saw a notice in the window of the Newport Post Office: PMG seeking part time Christmas Letter Sorters; and was soon catching the train every late afternoon, for the next six weeks, from Newport to Footscray and then walking to the Post Office to sort Christmas letters and cards. From four in the afternoon to ten or eleven o’clock at night I sat in a rolling wooden swivel chair and faced a postal sorting wall. I did the final sorting and pigeon holed everything according to a postman’s delivery route of post code and street numbers. The wall was made up of a lattice of at least 150 cubby holes. I would have a collection of letters and post cards unloaded onto the shelf in front of the cubby holes every thirty minutes.

sorted letters

image source:gettyimages

At first I stood in front of the wall and carefully placed each letter and card into it’s reserved space. As time went by I became more confident and stared to flick the items into their assigned space: And by the end of the second week I was leaning back as far as I could in the rolling wooden swivel chair, several feet from the cubby holed matrix, flicking letters and cards with an uncanny accuracy into their predetermined slot. I was on the cusp of becoming a post adolescent teenager and so still had trouble sifting through and recognizing what were meaningful experiences, disappointments, discoveries, challenges, and rewarding achievements. I didn’t know at the time but I had mastered the art of card throwing by flicking Christmas letters and cards with great accuracy and force and I could have been Australia’s second most famous magician.

impaling

image source:thehindu.com

Leslie George “Les” Vante Cole was Australia’s most famous magician and is acknowledged as the creator of the impaling illusion. My performances could have included earth shattering kung fu card throwing maneuvers, spearing cards into pineapples, and slicing Cherry Ripes in two; or I could have adapted the classic sawing a woman in half magic trick to carving a woman into three with a deck of Queen’s Slipper playing cards.

Our letter box was fixed onto the inside of one of the front fence wooden pickets. It was a small metal box with a hinged lid and a slot for the postman to push the letters between the pickets and into the box. The back was half glass so you could see in there were any letters. The mail was delivered twice on weekdays and Saturday morning. The postie rode a red PMG bike; and I think a shoulder strap canvas bag for the mail. He would ride on the footpaths. You always knew when in the morning or afternoon the postie was going to stop at your house and you listened for his whistle to announce that you had mail.

postie letters

image source:natlib.govt.nz

The Rider & Bell manufacturing company was established in 1920 and is still Australian owned. The company began making the original postman’s whistle in the 1920’s; it was later named the Aussie Thriller Whistle. Railway guards, paper boys, referees, police, corrective services, fishermen and work cover authorities also began to use the Thriller. Change marches into the future and the peas in the Thriller were replaced by cork balls; continuing to provide the shrill sound when the whistle was blown. I can only imagine mum’s anticipation each morning and afternoon as she waited for the posties whistle to announce that a blue, paper thin, aerogramme had arrived in the letterbox.

overseas letters

image source:janetmacleodtrotter.wordpress.com

The aerogramme was a lightweight piece of easy foldable paper for writing a letter that could be sent by airmail. The paper was gummed on one end so that when it was folded in three it could be licked and sealed; the letter and envelope became one. In most countries aerogrammes had an imprinted stamp. You paid for the postage and aerogramme together.

On my hallowed rite of passage searching for inspiration and idealism I became Banjo Patterson’s, Clancy of the Overflow.

I had written him a letter which I had, for want of better
Knowledge, sent to where I met him down the Lachlan, years ago,
He was shearing when I knew him, so I sent the letter to him,
Just “on spec”, addressed as follows: “Clancy, of The Overflow”.

I roamed England, Europe, and Asia, addressed as follows:

John McAdam
c/o Australia House
The Strand
London
United Kingdom

Back then Australia House was a refuge and solace for an army of lonely Australians forging the hippie trail. Each week I would take the tube into central London from Tooting Bec.

Australia house

image source:pinterest.com

My journeys end was the counter at Australia House where I would show my passport and collect my letters from home. After reading the precious aerogrammes at least three times I would head to the reading room to pour over the Sun newspapers from the homeland. The reading room closed in 2005.

John McAdam
Poste Restante
Main Post Office
Athens
Greece

And after you picked up your aerogrammes you sat on the steps of the main post office if you got that far; or you started to carefully tear the top off the flimsy letter from back home at the counter and began reading.

athens

image source:pixabay

That night you would release the images of the last three weeks from your mind and transfer them onto an aerogramme with barely legible miniature handwriting. You would always close the letter with your next self predicted stop.

John Mcadam
Poste Restante
General Post Office
Tehran
Iran

And I wondered if mum got very far from the letter box behind the front fence before she started to carefully tear open the aerogramme. Mum’s writing was never small; she would always write about the long and short of the weather, family anecdotes, and what the Ashford’s and Preston’s a few doors up the street were up to. She would have sat at the kitchen table with the radio tuned to mid day 3AW. There was a post box, a block away, on the corner of Douglas Parade and North Road but mum would have walked to the Newport Post Office to post her aerogramme.

I still remember the streets of Calcutta and New Delhi; each street was a journey through the grimy layers of time and human existence. And I still remember hearing the muffled, faint, sound of the Aussie Thriller. I was drawn to the sound only to discover it was the ping of margin bells from Underwood’s and Godrej’s. There was a gaggle of men at tables typing at typewriters. And the shrill of the pseudo Thriller was drowned out by the clatter of typewriter keys as the blurred and uncanny accuracy of fingers sent the typebars slamming into a black ink ribbon.

india street typewriters

image source:upspacrim.org

Most of the typewriter men were outside of courthouses and government offices; but there were scribes and public letter writers hunched over portable typewriters writing letters for those who couldn’t read or write. I imagine the scribes were busy writing condolences, romantic verses and congratulatory letters using their own persuasive or romantic descriptive turn of phrase; a form letter for any occasion. Now that technology has started to move off the streets of cosmopolitan India for the everyman, the street scribes of Kolkata are probably writing the letters from the credit card companies that enthusiastically inform you that you’ve been pre-approved for thousands of dollars of credit and dashing off those retirement planning seminar letters inviting you to a free lunch; no doubt posting a scanned copy of the original for the companies to use as a master for their copy machines.

In my England, Europe, and Asia there was no wifi, smartphones, Ipads, email, GPS, Google Translate, twitter, instagram, snapchat, or facebook. The Australian Postal Service also changed as the future transformed; the mail started to be delivered only once a day, and then Saturday delivery was abandoned. In the eighties Australia Post stopped the tradition of the postie blowing their whistle to announce they had put mail in your letterbox. Mum never listened for sound of the Thriller again. And today, in our frenzied digital universe we lament the lost art of letter writing; and our forgotten, meaningful and deliberate, emotions that choose the colour and texture of the paper for our hand written letter. Now we ponder whether to send out Christmas cards and letters or instead just email, forward an e-card, or post a Facebook message. But for those who know that letter writing is an an art worth bringing back there is an app; the lettrs app lets you send snail mail from your smart phone. lettrs is described as the authentic social platform that allows you to express yourself in more meaningful and genuine ways through the use of letter writing elements such as fonts, themes, stamps, and signatures.

I think I might sit down and write a beautifully crafted handwritten letter and post it to myself. And lick the envelope so it is sealed with my saliva.

 

Lettrs App

Australia Post: This is the Mail Video (1966)

Rider & Bell

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2 thoughts on “Who’s Licking Your Envelope

  1. My dear Mr. McAdam,
    I find it very interesting that boys on the other side of the world where just as enamored with Revell plastic models as we lads in the United States. Many an hour of my youth was spent at Askland’s Jewelry Store in my hometown, staring at the boxes containing the latest models. In my case, I was a WWII armor and airplane junkie. As I kid, I didn’t get the concern that some parent had with the plastic cement. It stunk and was hard to get off your hands when you put one drab too much on the connector pins and joints. I learned early on to restrict my finishing to applying the decals and avoiding any type of painting. Had I not done so, I’m sure that Mr. Revell would have received one more “Yours faithfully” in about 1963.

    As for receiving posts overseas, just yesterday I came across a file from the mid-1980s that included a series of postcards from my dear wife to me when I was working in West Germany on a planning project. She selected some of Omaha’s and Nebraska’s finest post cards and wrote very small to jam as much info on the cards as possible. It was revealing to see how the essence of Omaha was captured on post cards. The typical Old Market, Joslyn Museum and other tourist or cultural sites were understandable. To my surprise, Westroads Shopping Center in about 1970 appeared on one card. I assume this was one she had scoured the card bins to find. I think her sending it was more of a comment on what others thought were a significant achievement than a celebration of American consumerism.I believe this is the shopping center where you once anticipated doing a health walk each morning.

    Yes I too wrote more than one letter on a thin aerogramme paper. I remember sending them but not to who I sent them. I walked by Australia House last time I was in London but forgot to check for mail for you. Maybe I can do that next year when I get back there.

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    • John, so good that you thought plastic cement stunk. It most likely saved you from sniffing permanent markers, paint thinner, acetone, rubber cement, and some of your mum’s household chemicals and from suffering vivid hallucinations caused by those solvent’s effects on your brain.

      If only you dear wife had available the postagram app and an iphone back when you were in West Germany she could have photographed Omaha and sent her photos to you as real postcards. Some of her postcards could have ended up in shoe boxes in antique shops.

      Like

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