A Little Chafing Is A Dangerous Thing

I’ll bet you a penny to a quid that if you line twenty people up and show them a photo of a coat hanger bridge with the sails of an opera house behind it they’d tell you it’s Sydney, Australia. Most people know about Sydney because of it’s harbour and famous landmarks; not to mention it’s world famous beaches, bronzed Aussie lifesavers with zinc slathered noses, and beach goers wearing pocket size Speedos. Now I’d be one of the first to admit the iconic Opera House and Sydney Harbour Bridge, and the sheltered beaches and eye catching surf beaches, make Sydney one of the most visually stunning cities in the world. But if you live in one of Sydney’s sprawling suburbs instead of one that lines the harbour or beaches, then it’s no different than living in any other ho hum city.

image source:jmcadam

Sydney’s a crowded, sprawling, congested city. It’s jammed narrow CBD streets follow the blueprint of the lane ways and roads of the convict era; most of the main thoroughfares still funnel down to Circular Quay and the harbour. The harbour seems to have a life that’s a far cry from the frenzied hustle and bustle of the narrow, crowded, overflowing city streets; the jam packed city streets have been replaced with the easygoing waters of the harbour. The grid lock of footpath walkers on auto pilot, staring into their smart phone, has become a meandering flotilla of yachts, power boats, runabouts, and green and yellow harbour ferries.

Sydney’s thirty two green and yellow ferries are in constant motion. They’re forever slipping away from Circular Quay to bustle around eight different harbour routes and twenty nine wharves. If you don’t ride a ferry as part of your daily commute, then deciding which harbour trip to enjoy can be a challenge. I think the thirty minute ride across the Sydney heads to Manly Beach is a must for everybody; and it’s been a classic Sydney adventure for over 100 years.

image source:nsw.gov.au

As I ambled towards Circular Quay’s No 3 wharf and the Manly Ferry I felt a slight tingling in my groin. Once onboard I sat on an outside lower deck, wood slatted, bench that ran the length of the ferry and waited with anticipation to feel the vibration of the engine. The smooth chug of the engine propeled my noble green and yellow craft away from Circular Quay, past the Opera House and Sydney’s waterfront mansions, and across the harbour toward the Heads. Whenever I squirmed or moved on the wood slatted bench the tingling in my groin became more that slight.

As my ferry dipped and swayed through, and across, the sparkling harbour waters I began to softly sing:

Farewell to old England forever
Farewell to you numb-skulls as well
And farewell to the well-known Old Bailey
Where I always did look such a swell
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ad-dy
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ay
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ad-dy
And I’ll see you in Botany Bay
Now there’s the Captain, he’s our commander
There’s the bosun and all of the crew
There’s the first and second class passengers
Know what we poor convicts go through
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ad-dy
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ay
Singing too-ra-li oo-ra-li ad-dy
And I’ll see you in Botany Bay

My singing grew louder with every too-ra-li oo-ra-li ay, and I was soon swaying back and forth on the wood slatted seat in time to my boisterous singing. Every sway I took caused the tingling in my groin to become a sharp irritation. As my green and yellow ferry passed the Heads and started to approach Manly Wharf I put all I had into one last too-ra-li oo-ra-li ad-dy.

image source:jmcadam

The tingling between my legs became unrelenting the closer the ferry got to Manly Wharf. I looked back at the two headlands that formed the Sydney Heads, and pondered. What could be causing the sharp groin tingling? Could it be salty sea spray inflaming an irritation? My thinking immediately travelled back to the mid seventies and Bangkok, and a severe case of chaffing in my groin caused by sweat drenched undies. I asked myself; Could I possibly have chaffing in the groin? I started to mentally check off what causes friction when skin rubs against skin.

    • Clothing that’s too tight or too loose
    • Long distance exercise activities like prolonged walking
    • Excess moisture from sweat
    • Fabrics that don’t wick moisture away
    • Sensitive skin
    • Heat and hot weather
    • Extra body weight
    • Salt residue on skin from sweat or ocean water

Without doubt I had chaffing. The day before riding the Manly Ferry I’d spent a warm summer morning walking throughout Barangaroo Reserve wearing loose walking shorts; there were times when I manufactured a generous sweat. It was Bangkok all over again. I quickly put two and two together. The chaffing would’ve been aggravated by the salty sea spray when the ferry was buffeted by the waves and swells caused by the Bass Straight waters colliding with the waters of the Harbour. When the spray evaporated it would’ve left crystals of sea salt on my skin; the crystals would then cause micro abrasions to the chaffing.

image source:sydneycoastwalks.com.au

The green and yellow ferry glided into Manly Cove and nestled itself alongside the Manly Jetty. I got slowly up from the wood slatted outside deck seating and shuffled along the Jetty concourse. I tried to keep pace with the sightseers and tourists heading to the Corso; the wide open pedestrian mall lined with shops, cafes and pubs that guides people from the ferry to the surf beach. Each step I took along the concourse was as if I was wearing 80 grit sheets of sandpaper on my inner thighs.

The burning in my groin caused me to once again think back to Bangkok and my sweat drenched undies. The streets were crowded, overflowing, and clogged with people, motorcycles, tut tuts, and buses, and the temperature always nudged the nineties, with the humidity matching the air temperature. Every mid afternoon a brief thunderstorm topped up the humidity. My undies were constantly moist from crotch sweat, and the rivulets of sweat trickling down my back. I didn’t know that my cotton Chesty Bond undies had very poor moisture wicking properties, and once they became wet they stayed wet for as long as you wore them. I soon discovered that Thailand’s own, Snake Brand Prickly Heat Powder was the unsurpassed remedy for extreme chaffing; but you had to show a little courage to get used to the lengthy after burn.

image source:bangkoknightlife.com

As I hobbled down the concourse the memories of the soothing power of Prickly Heat caused my mind to work overtime. Baby Powder had to be Australia’s Prickly Heat; it’s clinically proven mildness was guaranteed to help your skin feel comfortable. Just as a shimmering lake of water appears in the desert to a thirsty explorer an ALDI supermarket appeared at the end of the concourse. I saw supermarket shelves groaning under the weight of endless containers of baby powder and I smiled with relief; as soon as I emptied six ounces of baby powder down the front of my grundies I’d be bounding down the Corso, onto the white sands of Manly Beach, and into the world famous turquoise waters.

I shuffled down the ALDI aisles, dodging young bikini wearing wanna be trendsetters, vagabond surfers, and European backpacking travellers without backpacks, searching for the lost endless containers of baby powder. Without thinking I quickened my step down the aisles, only to be humbled by a burning ring of fire in my grundies. I tottered to the check out, and in a desperate, pleading, voice sought the baby powder

Me: G’day; where’s your baby powder
Aldi Associate: We don’t have any; ya best bet is Coles
Me: Where’s Coles
Aldi Associate: Down the Corso
Me: How far down the Corso
Aldi Associate: Within cooee
Me: Cheers

And so I shuffled off down the Corso, as if my knees were shackled, in urgent search of the Coles’ supermarket.

image source:jmcadam

Before I knew it I was holding a small paper bag with a container of baby powder, and frantically scanning the Corso for a public toilet; I needed a safe haven to be able to empty the container of baby powder into my grundies. The Corso is lined with restaurants, souvenirs shops and a great assortment of other shops, lots of tourists, but no safe havens to feel the soothing power of baby powder. After a painful eternity of hobbled shuffling I arrived at the tree lined promenade, the long stretch of fine soft white sand and turquoise waters, of Manly Beach; but all I could see of the world famous beach was a men’s changing shed and toilet. I staggered into the changing shed, whipped down my shorts, and in a deft movement of my right arm had the baby powder out of it’s small brown paper bag, and into my grundies. I squeezed and shook the baby powder. I don’t exactly know how much powder went into the gusset of my grundies but my groin was emitting clouds of white powder with every step I took. I sat at a picnic table on the promenade gently rubbing my knees and thighs together to press and pat the baby powder into the chaffing.

image source:jmcadam

After several minutes I stood and started out toward the beach. The burning in my groin had vanished. I stood gazing at the fine soft white sand and turquoise water, and was about to slip off my Teva sandals and charge across the sand to walk knee deep into the breaking waves, and along the length of the world famous beach. As I reached for the velco strap of my Teva I realised that my chaffing, and search for the chaffing elixir, had left no time to experience the unique charm of Manly Beach. In a little over an hour I’d be on a guided walking tour of the Sydney Opera House.

It was a speedy rush down the Corso to catch the four o’clock ferry to Circular Quay. As the green and yellow ferry passed the Heads and started to be buffeted by the waves and swells, I reached for my container of baby powder. I was sitting on an outside lower deck, wood slatted, bench that ran the length of the ferry so I turned towards the Heads and emptied a little baby powder into my grundies.

 

The Best Ferry Trips In Sydney

A History of Snake Brand Prickly Heat Cooling Powder

5 Reasons Why Manly Beach Is One Of The Best Beaches In Sydney

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